This Is Hollywood... Act Accordingly

In other odd celebrity couple news, it was just brought to my attention that Natalie Portman is dating none other than singer/cult leader Devendra Banhart. Now I can understand A-list actresses slumming it every now then. We get it, we do it too. We just don't go bragging to our friends about it afterwords. I'm sure after being pampered all day you want to go out and feel dirty for just one night. But dating and being seen in public with this riff raff is just plain spiraling out of control. Didn't we learn anything from Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson? I'm sure the pot smoking, patchouli wearing, scarf in the dead of summer look is tempting but you have to realize that it never lasts. It's not like he's cleaning up his act anytime soon. And if it's indie cred you ladies are looking for all you have to do is stick to Andy Samberg's Digital Shorts. It's true, we do love you Natalie but even we have our limitations.

Fast Food Therapy

Robert Downey Jr. was interviewed in OK magazine recently and spilled the beans on how we was able to get sober after years of heavy drug use.

Burger King. That's right. He ordered a burger so disgusting that it forced him to reassess his entire life.

I don't know if that means he was so high that the burger talked to him and physically forced him to do so, or that it was just disgusting, but either way it's pretty awesome.

I think if he told this story at an AA meeting he would get made fun of like Dave Chappelle did in Half Baked, except it would be real.

Hey, Isn't That The Buffy The Vampire Slayer Chick?

So last night I'm sitting watching the Lakers/Celtics final hoping that ABC can pull it together for one night and bring peace and harmony to the world by showing us A-list celebrities inter-cut with an occasional basketball game. You would think in a time like this we would have 3 hours of pre-game red carpet coverage done by Lisa Lampanelli, since Joan Rivers has been dead for 10 years, to bring us up to speed on who Penny Marshall was was wearing tonight. Which if you saw Penny it looked like Roca Wear and Fubu had a bastard child and she decided to put it on instead of burn it in a ritualistic fashion saving us from eternal damnation. Somewhere in the 3rd quarter as I'm being shown Eddie Murphy sitting next to Steven Speilberg (which with any luck Jurassic Park 5 is going to be hilariously scary, think Norbit meets Jaws) the entire broadcast falls apart and I'm left in utter confusion.

So when Jeff Van Gundy, who we all know is a talented coach on sabbatical/US Weekly columnist, is asked who is his favorite celebrity here tonight, he instantly shouts out Alyssa Milano as though he were possessed by an episodic demon on "Charmed". The only problem with this is that he goes on to say that "If I was that Nick Lachey (which he pronounces La-chee) I wouldn't let her out of my sight." I had to rewind my DVR to make sure I heard it right. Now it is a well known fact that in between being a useless human being and doing Cuervo shots with Matt Leinhart, he can be seen prancing around with former TRL queen Vanessa Minnillo. So for a second I gave Mr. Gundy the benefit of the doubt and kept waiting for the cutaway of the ex-newlywed and former Blink-182 groupie sitting side by side. Alas, that never came. This leaving me only to doubt the validity of Van Gundy's statement and laughing all the way through this clip. Hopefully Van Gundy has some risque photos of Lachey/Milano to back up his error or else Mannillo is going on the war path.

P.S. Where were you on this one deadspin?

Cobra Kai

There is a strange story of a man in India who was found dead on a roadside with a cobra carcass in his head. The details on this are so bizarre and vague that I feel like someone should write a choose your own adventure story about it. Here's what we've gathered so far:

1)A preliminary autopsy also found that Wiroj Banlen, 40, was wearing a condom although he was putting on his trousers. No semen was found inside the condom.
2)He was bitten several times by the snake on his right leg and on his cheeks.
3)His hands were clenching the dead cobra, whose body was bitten several times especially on its stomach.
4)The preliminary autopsy found scales of the snake in his mouth.

I dare you to fill in the blanks. Best story wins a cc:bj t-shirt.

LINK TO STORY

WTF?: Celebrity Edition

I don't pay much attention to celebrity couples, but this is too funny to pass up. The picture above is Hollywood's hot new WTF? couple. Mandy Moore & Ryan Adams.

It's a very strange couple for countless reasons, but my favorite part of them as a couple is that Ryan Adams looks like Mandy Moore's hideously ugly sister.

I can't imagine what kind of music they listen to when they are together.

(via Jezebel)

Cc:BJ Fourth of July Party Preview

This is what we did at last year's party.


Coolest Slip and Slide Ever - Watch more free videos

Need a Funny Minute 39?

There's a podcast floating around called Channel Frederator. I love it! The website is really cool, but it's hard for me to keep up with the website religiously so I subscribed to the podcast on iTunes. Over the past couple of months, they've added a weekly download called The Meth Minute 39 that I can't get enough of.

I love the Meth Minute for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is Dan Meth. He doesn't have a degree in this stuff. Dan Meth makes funny cartoons with his friends. My favorite characters are The Craigs. Here's an episode of The Meth Minute 39 featuring The Craigs.

Black Cab Confessions

So this is a cool site that my friend turned me onto. I have never really seen anything like and it might be one of the coolest ideas for filming a band I've seen in quite some time. It may also single handedly prove Jim James is a golden God or a druid. This is also how they should have ended Michael Clayton. Check out all these really cool intimate performances.

BLACK CAB SESSIONS

Huge Announcement

I am leaving my wife and everything else in my life and moving to Hudson Valley, NY.

I believe I have found my calling and a new life partner at the same time.

I met this incredible person while searching the Hudson Valley Craigslist for foie gras. Here is the ad that catalyzed this incredible life change.

The photo has been removed but I believe this person is incredibly attractive and looks something like Dolph Lundgren with long black hair, tattoos and chain mail.

I will be starting a fund within the next week for anyone who wants to help support me in this incredible endeavor. The fund will help me acquire a taller amplifier, chain mail and more guitar pedals and the services of someone to alphabetize them.

Click Our Ads... Make Us Feel Better

We love to party. And this year is the first annual CC:BJ 4th of July for America Celebration. In honor of that we're throwing a monster bash. The only hiccup thus far is that our google adsense revenue is just over 1 dollar. But there's hope and it's you. Just click on the ads. I know, I know, I don't want a Barry Manilow CD from Amazon either, but no one says you have to buy it. Just look at it. Then we get 10 cents towards our big blowout. And hey, you can even come. That's right. We're not just about shameless self promotion. We're also about sharing our shameless self promotion. More details about the party to come. But for now, click the ads and save a baby somewhere from being eaten by a bear.