Columbia Has a Lot of Talent

This is The Senior Choir from 1st Baptist Church of Columbia! Depressing!

My Spider Sense Is Tingling

For everyone who didn't get my email.... which is everyone other than Aaron, here you go. I gotta give Aaron credit for the title though. That was his idea.

Homeowner? I thought he only had a boat.

It's even better if you imagine them as Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner

Holy Shit

This is what greeted me the last time I visited myspace.

I think this picture should be entitled "shock & awe."

It also proves my theory that bacon makes everything better. I think I'm going to put up bacon wallpaper in my kitchen.

No, Dickipedia You Idiot

So I have just been turned on to my newest fascination. As a connoisseur of all things pretentious I find it hard to categorize all the people in the world that I feel are well... Dicks. That is until now. A new site called Dikipedia-A Wiki of Dicks is now available for your viewing and pleasure. And I must say it's pretty dead on. It's not just celebutaunts like Paris Hilton who are dicks but also politicians, filmmakers, and even the Pope according to this site. I highly suggest checking out the Mel Gibson section.

Senioritis

I know only two of our readers wanted to read more about politics, but this is just too incredible to pass up.

President Bush ended a private meeting at the G8 summit with the words "Goodbye from the World's biggest polluter." This shocked the other leaders at the meeting, but it isn't the best part.

This is. He then punched the air while sporting his famous functionally retarded grin. Seriously, he punched the air. This had potential to be funny, except that he really is the most powerful man in the world and not an SNL actor playing the president.

Now, this proves beyond a reasonable doubt that our president is an insufferable douchebag. Whether you are a liberal or conservative, I think you can agree.

I'm also pretty sure that Bush has a wicked case of senioritis and is really stoked to go to Cancun next January.

Link.

I'm Pretty Sure This Is Wrong

This poor girl is definitely innocent, but her parents are clearly racists!

To all of our single readers

I don't have a whole lot to add to this, but I'll just say that the fact that a Conservapedia even exists makes me very very sad.

Anyways, have a good weekend everyone and protect yourself from STD's.

The End of an Era

Today is the last day for Will Leitch, the founding editor of the Gawker owned sports blog Deadspin.

For those who don't know, Deadspin is a sports blog "for the common fan." It isn't about knowing lots of stats or other random facts. It's about enjoying sports for what they are and having fun with them. To give you an idea of what takes place on the site, just know that Anchorman quotes will get you banned from commenting, because they were used far too often.

Yesterday, some of the other Deadspin employees blocked Will's access to the site and began to post what amounted to a virtual roast. Roasters included ESPN's Scott Van Pelt and Bill Simmons.

Today is Will's chance to get back at everyone so it should be hilarious.

Deep V Necks

There is a very long and hilarious story on Radar chronicling the rise of the deep v-neck shirt.

I know a few Cc:BJ staff members are guilty of this, hopefully this will guilt them into giving it up. The only people who should wear these are Mario Lopez and possibly Jean Claude Van Damme.

Thank You Hollywood

Jason Bateman was on Countdown with Keith Olberman last night talking about his new movie "Hancock" which also stars everyone's favorite Rapper/Actor Will Smith.

Olbermann also talked to Bateman about his work on one of the greatest shows of all time, Arrested Development. Then, surprise guest and fellow AD actor David Cross showed up armed with a lint roller and they confirmed that an AD movie is in the works.

If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and go rent or buy the DVD's. I'm gonna go fire up the cornballer and start watching them again myself. Video below.

The New Frontiers

A few years ago I got a call from one of the guys in the band Colour Revolt. He said that he had some friends in a band that needed a show here in Columbia. The band was called Stellamaris. I hooked them up with a show and then they crashed at my house. Their van broke down the next morning when they were trying to leave and they were stuck at my house for 6 days! Who would have known that 3 years, 2 albums, and a name change later, The New Frontiers would be my wife's favorite band and one of my favorite bands.

Mike and I drove up to Charlotte to see them play with Denison Witmer (another one of my all time favorites). They were playing at The Milestone which is an incredibly sketchy bar. It turned out to be an awesome show. We had a lot of fun and a lot of free PBR! When I got home, I was showing Chad Shumpert some of their music online and noticed that they have an EP that you can download for free. Here's the link!

Ninja Soccer

Modern Childhood

This is my favorite thing of the day.

PS. It's photoshopped.

I'm Not Cryin, I Just Got Tears Tattooed On My Face

Music sales have been on a steady decline since the invention of the interweb. It's no secret that major labels are scrambling to figure out ways to keep kids in record stores and off of bit torrent. Well for the first time in 3 years Lil' Wayne has managed to sell 1 million copies in 1 week. When I first read this I thought there must be a mistake. I remember Lil' Wheesie from his hot boys days being sort of the "out of focus guy" in the group. I mean anyone who starts out their career by adding Lil' to their name clearly doesn't have aspirations for BIG things. I know I personally gave up on the hip hop game when Biggie went down (R.I.P), but never did I think someone so terrible could not only come along as the "savior" of the music industry but also a revered hip hop artist. I mean this guy looks like Lil' John and Wayne Brady had a crack baby. At least that would explain his name. Now I haven't heard the record so I don't exactly know what all the hub bub is about but, a guy I work with listens to hip hop religiously (seriously he attends an all rap service on sundays) and he said it's one of the worst albums he's ever heard. It's also odd that I haven't seen one advertisement for "Carter III" record. I understand that a 27 year old white guy isn't exactly the target market for such a record but you would think if a million other people were into it I would have at least heard of it. Maybe it just shows that I'm really starting to get older. I'll be like my dad always saying "what are kids these days doing?" I'll slowly begin to lose touch with what's cool and hip and fade away into obscurity. But in all honesty, if Lil' Wayne is a sign of hip to come, then I'll gladly retire to my island in the sea and watch the world burn to the ground all around me.

Confirmed: Bumper Stickers make you an asshole

toothpastefordinner.com

A recent study by psychologists at Colorado State has determined that people with bumper stickers on their car are much more likely to exhibit road rage.

This makes perfect sense when you consider that most bumper stickers (at least in the south) say things like "Keep Honking, I'm reloading", "Work Harder - Millions on welfare depend on you" and my personal favorite "Gun Control means using both hands."

However, the study found that people with bumper stickers promoting peace & acceptance were just as likely to exhibit road rage when provoked.

I think the lesson here is that the old lady in the 87 Plymouth Reliant with the "Don’t let the car fool you, my real treasure is in heaven" bumper sticker is just as dangerous as the mulleted truck driver with a "White Power" sticker.

Democracy

Here at Cc:Bj we believe in democracy wholeheartedly so we are asking all of our readers to vote on what they want to see from this blog.

Just vote on the poll to the left and if there is anything more specific, feel free to leave a comment.

We're open to just about anything short of nude modeling and album reviews.

Edit: The entire Cc:Bj team will be happy to do any kind of nude modeling as a "team" for a fee. But, it's not cheap or for the faint of heart.

Carnage

Apparently there was a drunk driver who attended a bicycle race in Mexico a few weeks ago. How this slipped past me I will never know. The driver fell asleep causing this huge pile up. It left 1 dead and 14 injured. I just hope this doesn't become a new ad campaign for biking to work to help stop global warming. A link to CNN's story here..

Actors Sniff Jackets

Slowly but surely Acting With James Franco is becoming one of my favorite funny or die sketches. I've been a fan since Freaks and Geeks but sort of thought he was taking himself too seriously with all the Spiderman crap. It's good to see he's still got his sense of humor along with an inflated bank account. Check out Episode 3.

Things I heard in Myrtle Beach

I heard two amazing things while vacationing in the sunny Myrtle Beach area.

thing 1:

Kate and I are at the Tanger Outlets near North Myrtle.  For the record, no I did not take her there, we went together.  No woman is gonna be the boss of me and give me orders.  Also, dang girl, they have a Puma store!!!

So, we are resting from the harsh June sun, and we hear what can best be described as a ruckus.  We try and see what's happening, as it sounds like a fight, and many people are looking in the direction of said ruckus.  But alas, we can see nothing.  Finally a group of very boisterous African-Americans comes around the corner.  

Right at this moment, a man, white, in his mid fifties as best we can tell says:

"We're about to have a White House full of that in about 8 months."

To which I replied:

"Holy shit!" and "Wow."  and probably "Wowzers!"

I cannot believe that this happened.  But it did.  

thing 2:  

Watching the news.  With my family.  

There was a story on gas prices affecting all parts of society.

They were interviewing a shrimp-boat-captain (although, maybe not a captain.  perhaps he was under the captains employ.  who's to say?).

The shrimp-boat-worker, commenting on the affect of gas prices, said:

"It really has a dramastic impact..."

Wow.  Also real.  

Both of these things happened on Friday the 13th.

Which, for those of you who don't know, 13 is my lucky number. 

Usually I would here point out that sometimes I have freakishly bad luck.

But not this day.

Finally

The moment we've all been dying for. Unicorns really do exist. This mythical creature was spotted in Italy. It is believed to have a genetic defect but I believe it was lost and looking for the magical rainbow back to never never land to roam with the lost boys.

If you love unicorns and really creepy paintings you have to check out This Guy's Site.HIs name is Jim Warren. The Tigress is by far my favorite.

Photoshop Disasters

The photo above is an ad I saw on myspace today. It caught my attention for two reasons. First of all, Dana Carvey is still working? Secondly, why does he look like Ellen Degeneres circa 1995 in the photo. Additionally, my dad really wanted me to get that haircut when I was a little boy. Either that or the "Macgyver", and I'm completely serious.

The answer to the second question is of course, photoshop. The computer program that has single handedly destroyed the art of photography.

This reminded me of one of my favorite blogs is Photoshop Disasters, which is pretty self explanatory. I hadn't visited it in quite some time, so I figured I'd share it with all 3 of you that still read this.

This Is Hollywood... Act Accordingly

In other odd celebrity couple news, it was just brought to my attention that Natalie Portman is dating none other than singer/cult leader Devendra Banhart. Now I can understand A-list actresses slumming it every now then. We get it, we do it too. We just don't go bragging to our friends about it afterwords. I'm sure after being pampered all day you want to go out and feel dirty for just one night. But dating and being seen in public with this riff raff is just plain spiraling out of control. Didn't we learn anything from Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson? I'm sure the pot smoking, patchouli wearing, scarf in the dead of summer look is tempting but you have to realize that it never lasts. It's not like he's cleaning up his act anytime soon. And if it's indie cred you ladies are looking for all you have to do is stick to Andy Samberg's Digital Shorts. It's true, we do love you Natalie but even we have our limitations.

Fast Food Therapy

Robert Downey Jr. was interviewed in OK magazine recently and spilled the beans on how we was able to get sober after years of heavy drug use.

Burger King. That's right. He ordered a burger so disgusting that it forced him to reassess his entire life.

I don't know if that means he was so high that the burger talked to him and physically forced him to do so, or that it was just disgusting, but either way it's pretty awesome.

I think if he told this story at an AA meeting he would get made fun of like Dave Chappelle did in Half Baked, except it would be real.

Hey, Isn't That The Buffy The Vampire Slayer Chick?

So last night I'm sitting watching the Lakers/Celtics final hoping that ABC can pull it together for one night and bring peace and harmony to the world by showing us A-list celebrities inter-cut with an occasional basketball game. You would think in a time like this we would have 3 hours of pre-game red carpet coverage done by Lisa Lampanelli, since Joan Rivers has been dead for 10 years, to bring us up to speed on who Penny Marshall was was wearing tonight. Which if you saw Penny it looked like Roca Wear and Fubu had a bastard child and she decided to put it on instead of burn it in a ritualistic fashion saving us from eternal damnation. Somewhere in the 3rd quarter as I'm being shown Eddie Murphy sitting next to Steven Speilberg (which with any luck Jurassic Park 5 is going to be hilariously scary, think Norbit meets Jaws) the entire broadcast falls apart and I'm left in utter confusion.

So when Jeff Van Gundy, who we all know is a talented coach on sabbatical/US Weekly columnist, is asked who is his favorite celebrity here tonight, he instantly shouts out Alyssa Milano as though he were possessed by an episodic demon on "Charmed". The only problem with this is that he goes on to say that "If I was that Nick Lachey (which he pronounces La-chee) I wouldn't let her out of my sight." I had to rewind my DVR to make sure I heard it right. Now it is a well known fact that in between being a useless human being and doing Cuervo shots with Matt Leinhart, he can be seen prancing around with former TRL queen Vanessa Minnillo. So for a second I gave Mr. Gundy the benefit of the doubt and kept waiting for the cutaway of the ex-newlywed and former Blink-182 groupie sitting side by side. Alas, that never came. This leaving me only to doubt the validity of Van Gundy's statement and laughing all the way through this clip. Hopefully Van Gundy has some risque photos of Lachey/Milano to back up his error or else Mannillo is going on the war path.

P.S. Where were you on this one deadspin?

Cobra Kai

There is a strange story of a man in India who was found dead on a roadside with a cobra carcass in his head. The details on this are so bizarre and vague that I feel like someone should write a choose your own adventure story about it. Here's what we've gathered so far:

1)A preliminary autopsy also found that Wiroj Banlen, 40, was wearing a condom although he was putting on his trousers. No semen was found inside the condom.
2)He was bitten several times by the snake on his right leg and on his cheeks.
3)His hands were clenching the dead cobra, whose body was bitten several times especially on its stomach.
4)The preliminary autopsy found scales of the snake in his mouth.

I dare you to fill in the blanks. Best story wins a cc:bj t-shirt.

LINK TO STORY

WTF?: Celebrity Edition

I don't pay much attention to celebrity couples, but this is too funny to pass up. The picture above is Hollywood's hot new WTF? couple. Mandy Moore & Ryan Adams.

It's a very strange couple for countless reasons, but my favorite part of them as a couple is that Ryan Adams looks like Mandy Moore's hideously ugly sister.

I can't imagine what kind of music they listen to when they are together.

(via Jezebel)

Cc:BJ Fourth of July Party Preview

This is what we did at last year's party.


Coolest Slip and Slide Ever - Watch more free videos

Need a Funny Minute 39?

There's a podcast floating around called Channel Frederator. I love it! The website is really cool, but it's hard for me to keep up with the website religiously so I subscribed to the podcast on iTunes. Over the past couple of months, they've added a weekly download called The Meth Minute 39 that I can't get enough of.

I love the Meth Minute for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is Dan Meth. He doesn't have a degree in this stuff. Dan Meth makes funny cartoons with his friends. My favorite characters are The Craigs. Here's an episode of The Meth Minute 39 featuring The Craigs.

Black Cab Confessions

So this is a cool site that my friend turned me onto. I have never really seen anything like and it might be one of the coolest ideas for filming a band I've seen in quite some time. It may also single handedly prove Jim James is a golden God or a druid. This is also how they should have ended Michael Clayton. Check out all these really cool intimate performances.

BLACK CAB SESSIONS

Huge Announcement

I am leaving my wife and everything else in my life and moving to Hudson Valley, NY.

I believe I have found my calling and a new life partner at the same time.

I met this incredible person while searching the Hudson Valley Craigslist for foie gras. Here is the ad that catalyzed this incredible life change.

The photo has been removed but I believe this person is incredibly attractive and looks something like Dolph Lundgren with long black hair, tattoos and chain mail.

I will be starting a fund within the next week for anyone who wants to help support me in this incredible endeavor. The fund will help me acquire a taller amplifier, chain mail and more guitar pedals and the services of someone to alphabetize them.

Click Our Ads... Make Us Feel Better

We love to party. And this year is the first annual CC:BJ 4th of July for America Celebration. In honor of that we're throwing a monster bash. The only hiccup thus far is that our google adsense revenue is just over 1 dollar. But there's hope and it's you. Just click on the ads. I know, I know, I don't want a Barry Manilow CD from Amazon either, but no one says you have to buy it. Just look at it. Then we get 10 cents towards our big blowout. And hey, you can even come. That's right. We're not just about shameless self promotion. We're also about sharing our shameless self promotion. More details about the party to come. But for now, click the ads and save a baby somewhere from being eaten by a bear.

The British are making fun of our President

And he's making it way too easy.

I think this speaks for itself.

It's America... What's Not To Hate?

I love it when I hear people ask "why do they hate us?". It reminds me of simpler times when we used to help organize coups in South America while the public watched Leave It To Beaver and sipped on mint julips. If there was ever a doubt in your mind it's just simply because we've gone too far. Gone are the days of pushing it under the rug. Now we simply flaunt it right in everyone's face. We simply find the single dumbest American we can, prop them up like Weekend at Bernies, and send them out to "represent" us. If you ever doubted it just watch this

P.S. I'm not bitter about it.

This is how BJ and I learned to play Goalie

Haven't we moved past this?

I read a story yesterday on Boston.com about a "controversial" Dunkin Donuts ad. It's not everyday that you get to say controversial and Dunkin Donuts in the same sentence and for good reason.

The article talks about a recent ad where known islamofascist sympathizer and celebrity "chef"* Rachel Ray sports a keffiyeh, which is a traditional headress worn by Arab men. To me it looks more like a pashmina but of course I'm neither Arab or into fashion,(except mandals) so I could very well be wrong.

Either way the utterly abhorrent Michelle Malkin(if you want to lose a lot of faith in humanity, read her column) decided that this is completely unacceptable and wrote about it in her syndicated column, even bringing up the possibility of a Dunkin Donuts boycott.

Sadly, Dunkin Donuts was pressured enough by the Right-wing blogosphere that they decided that it would be easier to just pull the ad. This of course pleased Malkin, who states, ‘‘It’s refreshing to see an American company show sensitivity to the concerns of Americans opposed to Islamic jihad and its apologists.’’

Yes, it is refreshing to see an American company show sensitivity to a handful of whiny cunts who attempt to make it impossible to enjoy anything that may possibly be somewhat related to anything from an Arab country. Good looking out Michelle.

Link.

*Even Rachel Ray won't call herself a chef, one of her few redeeming qualities

Hmm. I wonder why he won't go on their network?

We Know Fashion

So the first real "weekend of summer" is upon us and we feel it is our duty to let you know the do's and don'ts of what to wear. So let's jump right into it shall we:

Do's: Mandals-always a hott look on a sunny beach or if you're just hitting up your local mall for some Chic-fil-a. Always remember thongs only.

Don'ts: Jerusalem Cruisers-these will more than damper the spirits of the people you're with. They'll turn your bar-b-que into an embarrassing situation for everyone involved. Also never wear with socks (unless you are at a water park).

Do's: American Apparel swim shorts-these skimpy items will bring the ladies flocking to your pool side cabana. They say, "Hey, I'm hip and edgy with no age limit required" and also "I don't really mind if my testicles fall out." Either way, you're golden (Note: this does not apply if you have elephantitis).

Don'ts: The Unitard-this thing backfires every time. I understand that a triathlon could occur at any minute and you have to be on top of your game, but doing this pool side won't get you very far with the ladies. Not to mention we will all be able to see what you're working with, and trust me, it's more like what you're NOT working with. Right, right? Anybody? High Five? No? Ok.

Hopefully you take these tips to heart. And just remember this memorial day weekend, wear sunblock.

rick rolling?

i'm late to everything, but this is completely out of left field. Apparently this is a common prank called 'rick rolling', where a person is messed with just because they have to hear this song, which i have always been pretty open about thinking was awesome. I guess my whole life is a rick roll. in this one some people blasted the song in a london train station, and the entire place erupted in singing. I think that proves the song is awesome.

My kids will never listen to Dashboard Confessional

There is a really funny story over at The Daily Mail Online about the "sinister" cult of emo. The story is not supposed to be funny, but it's so over the top and alarmist that it reads like an Onion story.

The story centers around a young girl who was pretty normal until she became emo and then committed suicide shortly after. They mention that she chatted online about the "Black Parade", which as the article states is, "a place where emos believe they go after they die."

I don't know if they really believe this over in the UK, but I think it is more than sufficient evidence to go ahead and arrest all of the members of My Chemical Romance for murder.

Link.

Australia: Swimmers, 1; Sharks, 0

An Australian swimmer says he survived a mauling by a 16-foot shark by wrestling with the beast, finally getting free by poking it in the eye. The shark, believed to be a great white, seized Jason Cull, 37, by the left leg as he was swimming at Middleton Beach in southwestern Australia on Saturday. From his hospital bed, Mr. Cull, who was treated for deep lacerations, said he had punched the shark, which grabbed him by the leg and dragged him underwater. “I felt along it,” he said, “I found its eye and I poked it in the eye, and that’s when it let go.”

From the associated press

A Taste For A Zen Palette

So lately I've noticed the over usage of the word avatar. I see it in almost every blog I read and hear people talk about it. I never really payed much attention to how many uses of the word there are. So Avatar is a kid's show on Nickelodeon, a feature film in production by James Cameron, and something you create in Second Life that is a replica of yourself. I saw it in an IBM commercial, on The Office, and every time I log in to my Yahoo mail it wants me to "create my avatar". Don't you think this whole business has gone a little too far. I mean it's one thing if I'm creating Mii's of Hitler that I can parade around on my Wii, but another thing entirely when it starts to take over my real life. Not only that but the word Avatar is a hindu term for the "decent or incarnation of a supreme being." So now I'm just freaked out. If I combine the two usages that would mean that my Mii is more powerful and omnipotent than the real Me is. And if that's true then maybe I should delete that Hitler Mii right away before we take a terrible turn down memory lane. Thoughts?

Raising the Barr

i love third party candidates.

i cannot emphasize this enough.

but some people do not share this enthusiasm.  

you may have heard by now all of the talk about the Ron Paul cult.  

if not, google it.

i don't know about you, but when i hear cult, my mind instantly begins to debate with itself.

side a:  cults?

hell yes.

i LOVE polyphonic spree!

side b:  wait a minute, no you don't.

you're thinking of the flaming lips.

you ALWAYS confuse the two, even though they are vastly different.

plus, cults are weird.

side a:

give me one example.

side b:

ok,

the jonestown massacre.

side a:

two examples.

side b:

heaven's gate.

side a:

those hale-bopp comet freaks?

side b:

yes.

side a:

hmmm.

ok, ok, yes, maybe ron paul has a cult following, but i don't think they technically qualify as a RELIGIOUS cult.  

maybe they do, but i doubt it.

also, Ron Paul is not third party.

the fact that someone is trying to link THIRD PARTIES and CULTS is just a little ridiculous.  

and ignorant.

and gay.

gay as in weird.

BUT, now that you mention THIRD PARTY CANDIDATES (actual third party-ers, not just mainstream libertarians), let us devote our gaze to Bob Barr.

now, does Barr say some things that don't make sense to me initially:

yes, namely his "christmas light example," where he faults the government overextension with warning labels.  

i could be persuaded to believe and follow this.  

it sounds a lot better to me than the things the Rep's and Dem's are throwing at me.

i guess, simply put, the heart of the issue is, when we go to choose the leader of the 'free world,' each election year, i am sorely disappointed with my options.  are there really no better choices than two highly biased partisan figures?  

this election is so funny to me because you can't dislike a president without becoming some type of bigot.  

vote for hillary:  oh, you hate blacks.

vote for barrack:  oh, you hate women.

vote for mccain:  oh, you hate everyone... and everyone's grandchildren.

what if i hate Rep's and Dem's?

who will save me then?

fortunately we have Libertarian (granted, former Republican) Bob Barr.

my mom always tells me that i am foolish with my vote, and that i throw it away when i do not vote on the clear winner (also she thinks i am a republican(also, this is the worst insult* she can throw at you in front of her friends)).  

well, mom, i don't care.

i'll throw these votes away each year because i think that's one of the awesome privilege i have as an american... not to throw away my vote... but, to vote for the person i think most fit to run the executive branch of the government.

so, for now, i think i might have to go with Barr...

even though, surely he will split the republican vote, and ensure a win for the democratic party.

it's good to have options.

-mike

*= earlier i wrote "inslut"' and almost left it because it is an awesome word.

but i'll leave it here at the end.  enjoy.

Flippin Cars for Cancer

hey guys im alive!

I just saw a drunk bitch flip her camry on the interstate at 2:30pm. That is what we call alcoholism folks. I called the hwy patrol and reported her. She was trapped in the car but rolled down her window to tell me not to call the cops, she was OK. Then, despite her car not being on all four tires, the engine completely exposed and spilling fluids everywhere, she attempted to crank it and drive away.

The worst part, it took the patrolman almost 20 minutes to show up. Before he got there the lady kept trying to shake my hand and she told me she had cancer. An ambulance showed up shortly before the cop, and she wondered aloud if they could cure her cancer. She also told me she has been many places today and had many more to go. While talking to the paramedics she made me answer her phone, which was her husband. That was awkward to say the least.

"Is my wife OK?"

"Yeah, she is conscious but Im not sure she is OK. She is acting really drunk."

"Oh no, where are you?"

"I-20 westbound near exit 58."

"Oh man, Im in the Northeast...Im on my way, ill try to get there before the cops."

"Ive already called them, they are on the way."

"Shit."





Thats right! Nailed to the X, STRAIGHT. EDGE. straightedge revenge!!!!!!!!!!



ps- On an unrelated note my camry blew up. I need a new car. iPhone version 2.0 is coming soon and I am all over it. Also, its summer time. Lets go out on the lake. If you own a boat, ill bring the bbq, let do it! Call me.


-CC:BJ

Point Break 2

That's right. Your read it. A sequel is in development for one of the most classic surfing/bank robbing films of all time. Word's not in yet on whether or not Keanu will be back but the story is picking up 20 years after the disappearance of Swayze's character. It's unlikely that the Roadhouse star will be back considering he has cancer and every photo I've seen of him looks like he's 2 days away from death. Peter Liff is slated to write this one as well so hopefully they'll stay true to the original. God I hope they bring Gary Busey Back. Here is one of my favorite Busey freak outs from this year's Oscar red carpet.

Boys Don't Cry

Mike was so excited about Shadd's suggestion that he emailed me this picture!

It's Your Birthday, now take off your pants

We here at the CC:BJ office love cake. We love it so much that we keep interns around just so we can celebrate their birthday. Of course we make them go out and get their own cake, while we drink iced lattes and laugh at jokes about Star Jones. But today is a special birthday. It's our very own Mike Mewborne's big day. So in honor of that, we're all taking off our pants.

We are all animals.

Adorable animals.

For that not so clean feeling...

Last week I wrote about a man with a Pabst Blue Ribbon coffin. Today, I stumbled upon PBR soap made by Etsy seller dennisanderson.

I can only imagine that this soap is made for the few people who need to convince someone they were out drinking all night when they weren't.

I'm pretty sure if I had a hangover rubbing this all over my body would make me vomit instantly.

They should include a kit that allows you to look like Karl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force with every purchase, because that is how you are going to smell.

This stuff is like Axe bodyspray for the homeless.

My Morning Jacket Prepare for World Domination

Now I know I'm biased in writing this but being one of the bigger fans of MMJ I can't help but spread the gospel of Jim James. The Jacket played SNL this week in, what is my opinion, a long overdue fashion. In an age of pre-fabricated corporate mainstream music (see all local Rock Radio stations) there are very few bands who not only stay true to themselves but also stay true to their influences. Less often do we see bands pushing themselves to broaden their sound in search of a higher musical evolution, but instead, just pushing out more pop songs for the sake of album sales. We "indie rockers" have major beef with the music industry as a whole and always will. Falling record sales and even faster falling profits are taking major labels off their high horses and forcing them to come up with new and inventive ways to get people back to listening again. I have to give credit to SNL for keeping their ear to the ground and not just being a part of what I consider payola from the labels. This season alone we saw Spoon, Wilco, and MMJ which leads me to believe that they are actually paying attention to what the kids are listening to and not just taking the money to push another Godsmack or Creed on us.

Evil Urges drops in June and when it does it probably won't break the top 10. People won't be standing in line outside Virgin Megastore to pick it up but rather the ones who have grown with the band will silently rejoice in one of the best records from this decade. This record isn't the "new lynyrd skynyrd" that people have been labeling the jacket since Tennesse Fire. Instead this is an eclectic record that blends the bands entire catalogue into one monumental sonic masterpiece. I'm not saying that this is going to save rock n roll but it's just good to know that there are still people out there who are trying. In case you missed it:

Get these guys in a Levi's commercial.

I like to think that if I had this much athletic ability I would do at least a little more with it than these guys.

Shameless Self Promotion

Here's a video featuring Cc: BJ's own Shadd! The commercial also features Old Greg from the show The Mighty Boosh. This is a the 2nd of two commercials that Shadd has been featured in. The first commercial was an American Express commercial in which Shadd told a young child "no".

Papa Smurf?

So, my brother told me to look this guy up. Apparently he took colloidal silver because he was itchy. The results: Papa Smurf! The article is titled "One of the X-Men?" Pretty interesting.

50% panda, 50% dog, 1 gillion percent adorable, just like Aaron.

Is this a panda or a dog? I saw it's an optical illusion, just like Taiwan, or pole vaulting.

Living Leather?

A curator at the New York Museum of Modern Art had to make a decision he probably never dreamed of making when he took the job as curator.

He had to euthanize a "living leather" jacket made out of mouse stem cells. The curator said that the art was growing too quickly and was about to overflow it's containment unit. The piece called "Victimless Leather" was a small jacket made out of embryonic stem cells.

The question that always comes up in these situations is "Is this art?" To me this seems to be more of a science experiment than art, but I do see the artistic value in it as well.

Another recent art story in the news was an installation by Guillermo Vargas, a Costa Rican artist. He found a stray dog on the streets of Nicaragua and tied the dog in a corner of an art gallery. He instructed the attendees not to feed the dog. Some have said the dog died, while the gallery owner, said the dog was only tied up for 3 hours at a time while the gallery was open and was otherwise treated well. Vargas himself refuses to say whether or not the dog survived, but there are some pretty awful photos of the dog online.

I'm not sure exactly what to think of this, but I believe the point of the piece is that nobody fed the starving dog, simply because they were told not to and because they were told it is art.

It was clearly a terrible thing to do to an animal, but I think it says a lot more about the art viewers, then the artists themselves.

Do you feel that these are examples of art? What do you consider art?

Crows Outsmart Japan

Alfred Hitchcock once dreamed of a world where birds attacked at will and sent an entire town into a frenzy. Well lookout Japan, here comes your newest enemy. They are nesting on power lines and destroying garbage bags. Crows are apparently so rampant that they are causing major blackouts and sending fear into the hearts of the Japanese. “Japanese react to crows because we fear them,” said Michio Matsuda, a board member of the Wild Bird Society of Japan and author of books on crows. “We are not sure sometimes who is smarter, us or the crows.” So wait, Crows are smarter than humans? When did this happen? How could we have let this happen. Here's how.
“In the old days, crows and humans could live together peacefully, but now the species are clashing,” said Naoki Satou, the chief of planning in Tokyo’s environmental department, which conducts crow countermeasures. “All we really want to do is go back to that golden age of co-existence.”
Ah, remember the golden age? I remember when I used to be able to sit on a park bench and peacefully feed a crow some popcorn or sunflower seeds. Gone are those days and alas they are missed. Haven't the Japanese ever heard of scarecrows?
A link to this ridiculous article HERE.

NHL Eastern Conference Final Predictions

I could write quite a bit how awesome the series between the Penguins & Flyers is likely to be. I could also write about how much of a rivalry it is, and how it's likely to be the best series of the entire playoffs this year. But, that is what everyone writes, so instead, I am going to pick a winner based on a completely arbitrary set of factors that I am making up as I go.

The winner of each round will larger.

Teams

Pittsburgh_________Philadelphia

Sandwich

Primanti Bros.___________Philly Cheesesteak

Main Industry

Steel________Banking

Amount of Rivers

Three______________Who cares?

Also Known For

Having lots of bridges_____Not being as cool as NYC

Arena Nickname

The Igloo___________None

Famous Chef

None___________Masaharu Morimoto

Neighboring State

Ohio_____________Jersey

So there you have it. Pittsburgh wins in seven games. It was a close one, but thanks to New Jersey for finally doing something useful.

PBR Forever!

By Mary Compton, SouthtownStar via AP

A Chicago man has commissioned his own Pabst Blue Ribbon coffin.

If Cc:BJ had an official beer, it would either be PBR or Odoul's. So, until I see an Odoul's coffin, I am proclaiming PBR the offical beer of Cc:BJ.

The story is pretty creepy though because he has not only gotten into the coffin, but he also used it as a giant ice bucket for PBR's at a recent party.

I always find it funny when people latch onto weird things like this. He probably has a pretty normal life, but now he is just "the crazy PBR guy." That will be his legacy and that will be what people remember about him.

(via Slashfood)

Fans Of Music

I've been thinking a lot lately about music. Well, I'm always thinking a lot about music. People love music, but it's not as valuable as it used to be. The first albums I ever bought were Dinosaur Jr.'s "Without A Sound" and Weezer's "Weezer" (The Blue Album). I bought them on cassette and listened to them until they were completely worn out. I'm pretty sure the tape broke on the Weezer cassette and I tied it back together right in the middle of "In the Garage". It was that same passion for music that brought me to Papa Jazz and Manifest to buy Cassettes and CDs the day they came out. I would listen to the same CD on repeat for an entire evening. I would listen to songs over and over again until I learned the lyrics. Music was priceless.

Music doesn't hold the same value that it did when I was 13. Not only do we not drive to the store the day an album comes out, we don't even wait for the album to release. I'm guilty too. I don't remember the last time I listened to an album straight through. I still love music, but I'm not nearly as committed. I hate to admit that
I've gone the way of the current culture, but I have. It kind of bums me out. That's why I get super excited when I meet genuine music enthusiasts. I'm not talking about people who read AP magazine or Paste! I'm talking about the people who pay to go to shows, the people who buy merch from bands, the people who pre-order CDs months before they come out.

Recently, I've come to know a guy named Andrew. He loves music. He comes to shows with a tiny video camera and records them. He then splices the videos in to separate songs and posts them on YouTube. Here's a link to one of his YouTube sites for the band Dignan and here's a video he did from a Dignan show. Check out some of the other bands. Leave him some comments.

Meet My Cat Stevens

Here is a new video from the great Zach Galifinakawhoosie. Enjoy, responsibly of course.

Sorry, Wrong Number

Have you ever inadvertently called someone while your phone was in your pocket. I know this happens to Aaron a lot because his name is at the beginning of almost everyone's phone book. One time in college my parents received a call at 3 am from one of my friends by accident. During which my mom fabricated from what she was hearing that I had been stabbed and was trying to call them for help but couldn't talk. Needless to say she was a wreck all night while I was sound asleep in my bed. I woke up to 8 voicemail messages. Let's say for example I was, I don't know, fighting in Afghanistan and I accidentally called my mom at the same time. Well, one soldier from Oregon did just that. You can hear the gunfire and screaming in the background. This takes XBOX live to a whole new level.

NHL... Who's Still Watching? (it's professional hockey people)

Here around the CC:BJ headquarters we are always talking about whatever current event seems to be the most important that day or in most cases, hour. The other day a heated argument was fired up over the NHL playoffs. Now presumably NHL seasons are 82 games long (I wouldn't know for sure, I don't watch until the playoffs actually start). This year's playoffs so far have been nothing short of exciting and as we proceed closer to the Championship I thought we'd start openly discussing it and give you, the reader, a chance to throw your opinion into the hat about which team you are rooting for and why. Most of the members of the staff here are ex-hockey players (some even have lost teeth playing. I cracked mine in half ice skating in the 5th grade but there was no stick in my hand at the time, so I'm told that doesn't count). Being from South Caroline it gives me no real team to pull for regionally. The hurricanes maybe, but they are a newer franchise and I can't handle all these "Carolina" teams that are all located in North Carolina as though SC is the red headed step child of the Carolina family (The Hurricanes are located in Greensboro, NC, the Panthers in Charlotte, NC). As a New York transplant I wanted to pull for the Rangers but they never really inspired me and after their overtime loss yesterday they aren't even in it anymore. So, that being said, my roommate is from Philly so I find myself watching all their games and am now pulling for the Flyers. I know their are some Penguins fans that work at CC:BJ so to you I say, the war has begun.

Cinco de Mayo - Numero Dos

Turns out that there aren't that many ridiculous margarita recipes. Adding one additional ingredient is about all anybody can seem to muster.

So, instead I will post anything I feel like posting, as long as it somehow remotely relates to Mexico.

Below is a recipe for Duck Tacos with corn and blood orange salsa, stolen from My husband cooks. I want to eat these more than you can probably imagine.

Duck Taco w/ Blood Orange and Corn Salsa
Yield: 4 Tacos
Time: 45 min
Ingredients:
1 small duck breast
4 small flour tortillas

Spice Mix
1 tbsp. salt
2 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. chipotle powder
1/4 tsp. red pepper flake

Salsa
1 11 oz. can corn (or 3 ears of fresh)
2 blood oranges (juice)
1 jalapeño (diced)
1/2 medium onion (diced)
2 cloves garlic (minced)
1/2 cup fresh cilantro (chopped)
salt
pepper

Garnish
avocado
monterey jack, queso fresco or other cheese of choice
sour cream
hot sauce

Directions:
1. With a sharp knife, score the fat on top of the duck breast. You want to cut all the way down to the flesh but not into the flesh. You are trying to create more surface area for seasoning and channels for that delicious duck fat to flow through.

2. Mix together the seasoning and pat all over the duck. You want to get it into the channels created by the scoring. Cover and let rest. This can be very short (20 min) or overnight.

3. Preheat oven to 350F. (Note: While the duck is cooking or even before, you can make the taco shells and salsa. For directions, see steps 5 and 6.)

4. Place an oven safe pan over medium high heat. Once the pan has heated for a couple minutes, place the duck, fat side down, in the pan. Let cook for 3 minutes or until the fat starts to cook down. Turn over the breast and place in oven. Cook for 15 min; time to check the temperature. You may need as long as another 15 minutes. You are looking for 160-165F. If you want the duck well-done, then 175-180. Let the meat rest for 5 minutes, and then remove the fat layer and slice in thin strips.

5. Time to make the salsa. In a medium-size skillet over medium heat, add the corn, onion and jalapeño. Liberally salt and pepper. Stir regularly. You don’t want to add oil here unless you are using fresh corn. The canned corn will have moisture that you are trying too cook down. Let cook over the heat for about 3 min and then add the garlic. Continue to cook for another 3-5 min or until the corn begins to pop and darken in spots. At this point, the onions should begin to turn color and the corn should have a slight orange hue. Remove the cooked ingredients to a bowl. Add the cilantro and blood orange juice. Time to taste. Add salt and pepper if needed. Cover and refrigerate until ready to use.

Note: This should be a relatively mild salsa. If you want more heat, you can add a dash of hot sauce or choose to add more jalapeños or a hotter pepper, such as a serrano.

6. Making your own tortillas. In a heavy skillet or cast iron pan, add about an inch of oil. Let the oil heat to about 325F. Using a pair to tongs, place the tortilla in the oil and fold half over. Use the edge of the pan to hold the tortilla in place. Cook like this for about 90 seconds to 2 min. Grasp the other side of the tortilla and repeat. By the end of the second period the taco shell should have set in the form we’ve become familiar with. Let rest and drain on a paper towel until ready to serve.

7. Time to bring it all together. Pile your ingredients in beginning with the slices of duck. Add the salsa, avocado, cheese, sour cream, hot sauce or whatever your heart desires. Enjoy!

PETA Hates The Vertically Challenged

Horse Jockey's have long been looked down upon, literally. They have learned to use their vertical disadvantage in positive ways by building a niche in the horse racing community. Now PETA wants to take that away from them. Tragically at the Kentucky derby Saturday a filly named Eight Belles had to be euthanized after the race. The horse came in 2nd place but as it was slowing down it fell breaking both legs. Initially it was labeled a freak accident but PETA is now convinced that it was the jockey, Gabriel Diaz's, fault. They claim that "we can probably blame the fact that they're allowed to whip the horses mercilessly." Now they are not only demanding Diaz be suspended and forfeit his 400,000 2nd place earnings, but they are also making ridiculous demands to change the entire sport in general. The demands are as follows:

1) No racing or training for a thoroughbred until it turns 3 years old. The organization contends the animals' legs aren't fully developed until then.


2) No more racing on dirt tracks. The group says the synthetic surfaces now used at Keeneland in Lexington, Ky., and at California tracks are far safer and result in fewer equine breakdowns and fatalities.


3) Cap the number of times a horse races each year.


4) Ban whipping. PETA says that when jockeys flail horses with a riding crop the animals can be forced beyond their physical limits.

At least jockey's have a hobby, horse racing. I think PETA should look into getting a hobby of their own... any suggestions?

Cinco de Mayo

In honor of Cinco de Mayo I will be posting as many ridiculous Margarita recipes as I can find throughout the day.

The first one, courtesy of Drinknation.com, is for a Breakfast Margarita. We here at Cc:BJ say, why wait until noon to drown your sorrows.*

Breakfast Margarita:

Ingredients

• 1/3 oz. Grand Marnier
• 1/3 oz. Jim Beam
• 3 oz. Gold tequila
• 1/3 oz. Grenadine
• 1/4 tsp. Jam, blueberry
• 1/2 tsp. Jam, lemon & lime
• 1/6 oz. Lime Juice
• 1/6 oz. Sugar Syrup

Mixing Instructions

Muddle blueberries, 1 segement of lime, blueberry jam, lemon and lime marmalade in a Boston glass. Add all the booze and other liquids, then shake over ice, double strain into martini glass. Then garnish with a segment of pancake blueberries and a tiny pinch of blueberry jam.

* Only Shadd and I actually ever say this.

Latest Script Deals

From time to time I will chime in with some Hollywood news and probably give my opinion on how terrible the news is. Since we have no clue what type of blog this is; politcal, sports oriented, topographical (that's just a blog about maps), we will give you whatever news we deem is necessary for your survival. Maybe this blog is a survival guide?


LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - MGM has pre-emptively picked up a fantasy comedy spec script that might be up for the longest title of the year award: "Executive VP, David M. Murch's Adventures in the Land of Zametherea."

The story centers on a boy who has the ability to travel to a magical land, but after coming home and telling his parents about his fantastic adventures, they have him committed. Thirty years later, the boy has grown into a coldhearted big-shot mergers-and-acquisitions executive when he gets the call to return to the magical land of his youth. The man must get help from his estranged son, the only person innocent enough to save the land of the man's youth.

Peter Speakman and Michael M.B. Galvin's script went out Wednesday morning and sold by mid-afternoon. They received an $850,000 advance against a $1.35 million payout if the movie is made.

Call me crazy but isn't this just Hook? Who pays a quarter million dollars for Hook 2? Did they even make a Hook 2?

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - New Line has made its first purchase since being downsized to a unit of its Warner Bros. corporate sibling, plunking down a $500,000 advance for "Dan Mintner: Badass for Hire," a comedy spec script by Chad Kultgen.

Producer Beau Flynn described it as: "The baddest dude in the world in supertight jeans, chewing on a matchstick, stuck in the '80s but kicking ass in the present day."

Flynn said the project will be an R-rated comedy in the spirit of "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle" and "Wedding Crashers," the kind of movie that "classic" New Line was good at making and that the new iteration will be making as well.

Kultgen wrote "Burt Dickenson, The Most Powerful Magician on the Planet Earth," which is set up at New Line.

This actually sounds pretty funny, if you like Thunderbird convertibles and titles with peoples names in them. That seems to be this writer's forte. I'm sure they'll do something crazy like give the lead a mustache. Shoot me now people.

The men we will become.

When I am at work I go to lunch with two of the higher-ups.  I do this often; not because I want to pull rank, or really care about the conversation to be had (it's mostly engineering and marketing jargon beyond my understanding), but simply because they are most often the first to ask.  "Ready for lunch?"  Sometimes I initiate this, but often I am left waiting.  This is frustrating because they are on salary, and I am paid hourly.  Sometimes I have to leave a task half finished because they walk on out the door.  

We're in line at a fast food joint.  I don't eat red meat, but sometimes I can stomach a barbeque sandwich for a day.  A crowd of southern good-ol'-boys walk in, and I am immediately filled with contempt and subsequent guilt over my immediate reaction.  

I am not sure what I hate more about the people.  Is is the uniformity?  The clothing?  The large oxford with short khakis?  The lack of self-respect?  The ignorant racism (as opposed to well-read racism)?  The drinking?  The date rape?  The arrogance?  The easy jobs?  

I get lost in it, which is not surprising, only because anger is not a fixed thing.  It passes, along with reason, like a puff of mud in a river stream.  It is nothing.  

I remember our similarities, these dudes and I.  I remember that my parents wanted me to be like them.  I wonder if they are disappointed that our differences outnumber our similarities.  

Conversation is predictable;   inside jokes about old employers, new products, Rush, the damn Chinese.  Also predictable is the eventual notice of the non-contributing third party.  

One strikes in to me "Still getting married in August?"

"October."  

"Yeah, October.  That still happening?"

The other takes his cue.

"Married?  Why would you do a thing like that?"

I am not sure if this is a real question.  

I have been asked this as a real question before.  Fortunately I see the antagonistic grin arch his face before I have time to answer with any sincerity.  

I shake my head, hoping the attention will pass from me.

The second man is now quoting a joke, by a woman whom he points out is "reasonably attractive," concerning divorce.  

This is not funny to me.  

Perhaps it is because sometimes I am moody.  Sometimes I am also too literal, while others I am not literal enough.  But as an engaged man, divorce is not funny to me.  

It's almost like the song by Pedro the Lion.  I don't want divorce to be an option.  But getting married these days, you have to admit that the numbers are stacked against you.  

My parents are not divorced.  Making wedding guest lists shows you just how many people you know, to some comfortable degree of acquaintance, so it means something when I say that only a handful are also in this category.  

Divorce is not an option for me.  I hear lots of "it was the best thing to do in our situation," and while I can appreciate that sentiment to a limited extent, I never want to have to say that myself.  It scares me, the way death scares someone going under the knife.  The whole point is to NOT die; but in tackling the procedure, you have to admit you come a bit closer to death before you can get away from it.  

What bothers me most about this whole ordeal is knowing that if my future makes me into one of these men, I fear divorce would look a bit more like an option to my wife.  And I would not be able to blame her.  

I think it is natural to fear the men we will become.  

But it's in those moments, when you've time-travelled to meet your older-self and hate what you see, that you travel back and create your own alternate timeline.  

It's sort of a hopeful thing eating with people you don't want to be with.

Then I want to rescue them.

Then I want to throw their food in the floor, and give them a piece of my mind (whatever that means).

Then I want to show them the err of their ways.

Then I want to show them how wonderfully unselfish I am.

We drive back to the office.  These two men will close their eyes in the parking lot, waving to and fro to the mystic beats of Neil Peart, while I escape back into the warehouse.  

I have a friend who says that if any two people could trade lives, even with some clear improvement, that no one would take it.  

Sometimes that is good to hear.  

No Politics in this Entry - Just Flatulence

Two German companies have patented a new technology that allows scents to be sent via text message.

Check out the hilarious story over at Gizmodo.

My vote

Aaron made a suggestion that we should post about our voting choices this upcoming election. I have put this off mainly because I don't know what to do when it comes time to elect someone. I hate all the choices.

I would not go as far as to say I hate all the candidates. All three front runners are doing what they are supposed to be doing. They are pandering to the American public in a way they believe will win the hearts and votes of the people. The problem is, what I want from a President and what the candidates offer me as a Presidential hopeful are miles apart.

Once again, this is not the candidate's fault. It is the American public's fault. How is this? I could trace this all teh way back to the civil war our country experienced but that would be boring for all but the most interested political Historians. The example I would like to give you is something very dear to me: Public Education and the Tenth Amendment.

If not intimately familiar with our Constitution, perhaps the greatest document of democracy, allow me to remind you of the 10th.

"The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people."

It started in Reconstruction and endured throughout the turn of the century. It gained steam in the 50's and it choked our Republic finally with the Reagan Administration. What I am alluding towards if the trampling of the Tenth amendment. The Federal Government passing laws and creating agencies to handle what should be an issue of state's rights.

When Ronald Reagan ignored the Constitution and created the Department of Education it was proof we have allowed the government to lie to us and We The People have forgotten what we are allowed to govern ourselves.

The Department of Education is exists in spite of the Constitution saying it cannot, because the Constitution does not address education, public or private. The word does not even appear in the document, and trust it is not because the founding fathers had forgotten about education, or gun control, or taxation, or anything else not addressed in the Constitution. They simply wished for a weak but binding Central Government while allowing states and people to decide things for themselves.

I am a little lost even in my own thoughts so let me get to the crux of the situation. Our government is far too large, its powers far too reaching, and we have forgotten that the country was founded in defiance of such tyranny. Somehow the Feds have made the American public believe the government should answer questions, solve problems, and give them a handout. Rather than forging through life with the intense ambition of the people that founded this country, we allow Politicians not only to solve our needs, but let them feel empowered by relying on them.

I do not need a President that calls for 'change' when our definition of change are vastly different. My idea would include eliminating 50% of government and giving states more power, his would be implementing even more policy requiring states to abide by. I do not need someone telling me if I may own a gun, get an abortion, or regulate what my children may and may not learn in a classroom. I also do not need a President that will go to war over commodities.

Basiclly, fuck all of them. None of them have my best interests at heart, none of them appreciate why this country was founded, none of them once in office would be willing to give up federal control to the states, an not one single candidate cares about my plight through this life. Not one of them has earned my vote, but they have all earned my spite.

But what can you do?


-CC:BJ

1 Vote for Obama

This is my second attempt at writing this post. My first attempt was incredibly long and probably boring. It also talked more about the problems with the other candidates than it did about why I am supporting Barack Obama. I'll try to keep it short(er) and sweet this time.

Most of my friends know that I'm pretty political and tend to lean to the left. By lean to the left, I mean they think that I believe in mandatory universal health care for pets and that aborted fetuses should be burned as a source of green energy. I'm totally against both, just in case anybody is keeping score.

However, the truth is that I am actually in favor of a lot of core Republican principles. The problem is that in my lifetime no Republican president has ever put any of these principles into action. For instance, smaller, cheaper, more efficient government. I'm all for it. There are few things more "American" than using ingenuity to figure out the cheapest, most efficient way to do or produce something. Although it is sometimes immoral & to our detriment (slavery, lead-tainted Chinese products), this type of ingenuity has driven our economy throughout it's history. However, no Republican president in my lifetime has ever made the government smaller. In fact, they have all made it larger. The worst offender being Reagan.

That being said, I have always voted Democrat and will continue that this year in November, no matter who the final candidate is. However, in my opinion, one of the candidates, Barack Obama, is a much stronger candidate.

First of all, he doesn't accept money from any corporations, lobbyists, or Political Action Committees. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me it is huge. I believe the biggest problem with our government right now is the influence that corporations and lobbyists have on our senators.

Obama is also a civil libertarian. If he wins the presidency, he will be the first true civil libertarian in our history to do so. This is incredibly important this year considering all of the basic constitutional rights that have been violated by the current administration.

Finally, I think Obama's campaign has transcended him. It's bigger than him. More people have donated money to Obama than any other candidate in US history, and he isn't even the nominee yet. His campaign has been funded by regular people making small donations, not corporations and rich people donating the legal limit.

I could go on for much, much longer, but that is who I am supporting. Now a funny picture.

this is for you aaron. it shows how i feel about your lack of motivation on this jesus juicer business.

This is a pie chart about procrastination.

This American Life

My favorite TV show of all time premieres it's second season this Sunday at 10pm. It's only on Showtime, but you can probably find a torrent of it online after it airs.

If you've never seen the TV show, it is exactly the same as the radio program, except well, it's on TV and you can see it and stuff. It may not sound that great, but it's one of the most beautifully shot programs on TV right now. I find it much more moving than the radio show just because of the ability to see the subjects instead of just hearing them.

They also have a film showing in select theaters for tonight, for one night only. Go here to find a showtime in your area.

Below is a preview of the new season.

Gary Colmeman NOT Dead!!!

This post is for Aaron mainly, only because of his huge man crush on Mr. Coleman. For those of you that don't know Gary Coleman was married a couple of months ago for the first time. In fact, at the age of 40 he claimed to be a virgin when he got married. As of a month into the marriage the two had still not consummated their vows and it doesn't look promising for the near future for either of them. That's right they're going to Divorce Court. Airing today the two will be battling it out to the bitter, and I do mean bitter, end. Here is a video to brighten your day, it sure did mine. I can only hope he says "Whatchoo talkin bout Lynn Toler?".

Mission Accomplished

It's been 5 years now.

Right, Left, Who Cares?

As I've stated time and time again we are not a political website. That being said, it's time to start voting people. In the coming posts you will notice that we are going to once and for all end the political ambiguity and settle the debate for who's going to run this country come February. I am taking the helm and leading off with my own political views. Now many of you that know me understand that I am of sound mind and zero emotion. That makes decision making difficult for me.

In 2004 P Diddy tried to get me to Vote or Die. I didn't, and I'm still alive. I figure if death threats can't win me over, what can? And Diddy has actually killed someone (according to the LA Times). Therefore, I choose apathy over party affiliation. And this election is no different for me. Obama and Clinton have been debating for over a year now. I'm so confused by both of them that I'm not sure what to do. Listening to them talk makes me feel like I'm six years old spinning on one of those playground merry-go-rounds (you know they ones they banned because kids kept getting decapitated). I mean what else can they really say that's going to make me pick one over the other. This thing could go all the way to Puerto Rico before we know who is the nominee. Now I understand the PR is an American colony, but should THEY really be the ones deciding who is going to run the USofA? On the other hand is McCain, who I can imagine just wreaks of after shave and formaldehyde. So I can't vote for him for hygienic principles alone. Now I feel like Vizzini in the Princess Bride trying to figure out which drink is poisoned. With that being said, I will quote the great John Adams, "The happiness of society is the end of government." Please comment...

This is completely insane.

Via Reddit.

Cheeseburger In Paradise Veggie Burger Available At The End Of The Rainbow

I love this show! I love Jason Lee. I freaking hate Jimmy Buffet with all of my heart! This show has definitely inspired a lot of my music. I love you guys!

Definition of Yacht Rock

Uninformative Website With Episode List

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Free Perpetual Energy?

A gentleman by the name of Archer Quinn plans on single handedly collapsing the stranglehold of OPEC and commodity markets with a perpetual energy machine he is calling a thermal accelerator. When is he collapsing world markets? June 20th.

Here is his website. I am not a physicist. I have read the website and honestly cannot really understand the technical aspects of his machine. He claims it to be easy to make, cheap, and most importantly free. He does not want to sell the machine, rather wishes us to break the tyranny of oil and greed.

Although I am not a scientist, as a Historian I know claims like this have popped up from time to time only to be proven as hoaxes. As an optimist I pray this is the real deal, despite his claims that his machine defies the laws of thermodynamics and Newton's physical laws. What is most likely, he is a kook. a quote from his site:

"Firstly it always appears a scam ( and usually is for projects such as this) but mostly if you take help or money and then mysteriously die, then someone else can show they had and interest and then the world is stuck with another scumbag in control of what should be free to the world. Again I shall mention Australian gas, we sell to china for 3 cents a liter whilst Australians pay 60 cents a liter for Gas, screwed by our own Nazi governments both Liberal and labor. I intend to correct this for all time."

My favorite part is the 'oil price truth' tab that shows you how quickly Dubai has expanded and explains the abundance of wealth that allows them to throw money into the ocean, literally, in the form of islands in the shape of palm trees or world maps. While I knew of this building effort in Dubai, looking at the pictures drives the point home. People living above oil fields are getting filthy rich while we fight wars for the stuff here in the U.S.

Check him out here:

Archer Quinn the Kook




-CC:BJ

Vitamins in my water

Vitamin Water has become quite a cultural phenomenon over the past year or so. It seems to especially be popular within the straight edge/hardcore community, at least in Columbia.

Vitamin Water tastes delicious, but it is not nearly as healthy as the marketing would lead you to believe.

For one thing, most Americans don't have a vitamin deficiency to begin with. This doesn't mean extra vitamins aren't healthy, but the truth is that a lot of those vitamins aren't being absorbed by your body. The other main issue is that Vitamin Water has 32.5 grams of sugar per bottle. Not only does this make the drink somewhat addictive it also adds calories. Water is one of the few things we consume that has zero calories, but the magical Vitamin Water actually has up to 130 calories per bottle.

Anyways, if you really feel that you need to drink your vitamins, maybe you should try the new Activate Drinks.

These drinks are similar to Vitamin Water but vitamins are actually stored in powder form inside of a chamber in the bottle cap. Before you open the drink, you turn the cap and the powder dissolves into the water. These drinks are also more expensive than Vitamin Water, so I'm sure they'll be all the rage.[via Uncrate]