Right, Left, Who Cares?

As I've stated time and time again we are not a political website. That being said, it's time to start voting people. In the coming posts you will notice that we are going to once and for all end the political ambiguity and settle the debate for who's going to run this country come February. I am taking the helm and leading off with my own political views. Now many of you that know me understand that I am of sound mind and zero emotion. That makes decision making difficult for me.

In 2004 P Diddy tried to get me to Vote or Die. I didn't, and I'm still alive. I figure if death threats can't win me over, what can? And Diddy has actually killed someone (according to the LA Times). Therefore, I choose apathy over party affiliation. And this election is no different for me. Obama and Clinton have been debating for over a year now. I'm so confused by both of them that I'm not sure what to do. Listening to them talk makes me feel like I'm six years old spinning on one of those playground merry-go-rounds (you know they ones they banned because kids kept getting decapitated). I mean what else can they really say that's going to make me pick one over the other. This thing could go all the way to Puerto Rico before we know who is the nominee. Now I understand the PR is an American colony, but should THEY really be the ones deciding who is going to run the USofA? On the other hand is McCain, who I can imagine just wreaks of after shave and formaldehyde. So I can't vote for him for hygienic principles alone. Now I feel like Vizzini in the Princess Bride trying to figure out which drink is poisoned. With that being said, I will quote the great John Adams, "The happiness of society is the end of government." Please comment...

This is completely insane.

Via Reddit.

Cheeseburger In Paradise Veggie Burger Available At The End Of The Rainbow

I love this show! I love Jason Lee. I freaking hate Jimmy Buffet with all of my heart! This show has definitely inspired a lot of my music. I love you guys!

Definition of Yacht Rock

Uninformative Website With Episode List

Find More Stuff Like This!

Free Perpetual Energy?

A gentleman by the name of Archer Quinn plans on single handedly collapsing the stranglehold of OPEC and commodity markets with a perpetual energy machine he is calling a thermal accelerator. When is he collapsing world markets? June 20th.

Here is his website. I am not a physicist. I have read the website and honestly cannot really understand the technical aspects of his machine. He claims it to be easy to make, cheap, and most importantly free. He does not want to sell the machine, rather wishes us to break the tyranny of oil and greed.

Although I am not a scientist, as a Historian I know claims like this have popped up from time to time only to be proven as hoaxes. As an optimist I pray this is the real deal, despite his claims that his machine defies the laws of thermodynamics and Newton's physical laws. What is most likely, he is a kook. a quote from his site:

"Firstly it always appears a scam ( and usually is for projects such as this) but mostly if you take help or money and then mysteriously die, then someone else can show they had and interest and then the world is stuck with another scumbag in control of what should be free to the world. Again I shall mention Australian gas, we sell to china for 3 cents a liter whilst Australians pay 60 cents a liter for Gas, screwed by our own Nazi governments both Liberal and labor. I intend to correct this for all time."

My favorite part is the 'oil price truth' tab that shows you how quickly Dubai has expanded and explains the abundance of wealth that allows them to throw money into the ocean, literally, in the form of islands in the shape of palm trees or world maps. While I knew of this building effort in Dubai, looking at the pictures drives the point home. People living above oil fields are getting filthy rich while we fight wars for the stuff here in the U.S.

Check him out here:

Archer Quinn the Kook




-CC:BJ

Vitamins in my water

Vitamin Water has become quite a cultural phenomenon over the past year or so. It seems to especially be popular within the straight edge/hardcore community, at least in Columbia.

Vitamin Water tastes delicious, but it is not nearly as healthy as the marketing would lead you to believe.

For one thing, most Americans don't have a vitamin deficiency to begin with. This doesn't mean extra vitamins aren't healthy, but the truth is that a lot of those vitamins aren't being absorbed by your body. The other main issue is that Vitamin Water has 32.5 grams of sugar per bottle. Not only does this make the drink somewhat addictive it also adds calories. Water is one of the few things we consume that has zero calories, but the magical Vitamin Water actually has up to 130 calories per bottle.

Anyways, if you really feel that you need to drink your vitamins, maybe you should try the new Activate Drinks.

These drinks are similar to Vitamin Water but vitamins are actually stored in powder form inside of a chamber in the bottle cap. Before you open the drink, you turn the cap and the powder dissolves into the water. These drinks are also more expensive than Vitamin Water, so I'm sure they'll be all the rage.[via Uncrate]

GAWKER STEALS FROM US!!!!!

That's right. Last week Aaron posted about some sidewalk art that he found interesting. Looks like Gawker thought so as well, just a week too late. Losers. Check it out.

Bush Believes In Magical Wizardry

We here at CC:BJ don't believe in political affiliations. We believe in America and raising awareness for American things. President Bush today spoke about a mystical force that people are calling a "recession". He donned a blue suit and spoke candidly about hocus pocus and the ways in which we can solve this problem. He was quoted as saying "If there was a magic wand to wave, I'd be waving it, of course". He held the press conference in the Rose Garden which is known for being the center of numerous seances in the past. The crabapple trees especially seem most haunting in the evening. The President laughed off the idea that the numbers that come out Wednesday could in fact prove a recession exists. He replied by saying, "I think they'll show we're in a very slow economy." He then pulled out what appeared to be Gandalf's staff and promptly disappeared leaving reporters baffled and confused. More to come as this story develops.

Who's Watching Mexico?

So in between Emo Diary riots south of the border there seems to be another crisis gripping our NAFTA friends. According to the NY Times the newest scam is a "virtual kidnapping". Apparently parents will recieve a phone call around midday with a child screaming "help me mommy" and then a kidnapper gets on the phone and demands money immediately. The parents are so freaked out that they take the 4000 pesos out from under their mattress and head for the nearest town square to leave with a guy in a black hat named Esteban. Meanwhile their child is actually safe and sound at school. These scams get worse though. Many of the callers are part of gangs and make the calls from prison. "Excuse me officer, I'd like to make my 1 phone call please. Can I borrow a quarter?" Is it just me or does this sound like something out of a bad 80's movie? I could of sworn Ferris Bueller tried this trick.



Check out the article here.

Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape? Really?

That's right. Vivid Entertainment, who is apparently known for releasing "celebrity" sex tapes will be releasing a new movie this week that they say features Jimi Hendrix.

The NY Times has a story about the 45-minute video that only includes 11 minutes of the actual sex tape that includes two women. I know he's dead and all, but 11 minutes with two women? Come on, "Voodoo Chile" is longer than that. The rest of the video contains a retrospective of Hendrix's career, which is exactly what I think porn has always been missing.

Get rid of all of the cheesy dialog and make me feel like I'm watching the History Channel. With a boner.

All joking aside, is it ok to profit from or even view sex tapes of the deceased? I like to think I'm pretty progressive, but to me this just seems to be incredibly wrong. On the other hand though, since he is dead, he can't be embarrassed or suffer any negative publicity by it's release.

Leave your thoughts in the comments.

The Lone Filmmaker

Being in love with film and all things British, mostly earl grey tea, this site brings both of them together in one glorious swoop. Robert is a filmmaker in London who decided he wanted to be the first person to write, direct, produce, and star in his own film. Now I know this just sounds like Clooney but this is different because he is performing every other job entailed in filming. He's shooting, gripping, gaffing, and playing all the roles in the film. He's started a webisode documenting the whole process by which his girlfriend follows him around with a camera. I got addicted fairly quickly because he's funny, seems smart, and him and his girlfriend are a bit too adorable together. Needless to say he is either a marketing pioneer (this thing will be sponsored by every corporation in the world before it's over) or he's another lonelygirl15 poised to break my heart when I find out that it is all a setup by two bald fat men in Palo Alto. Either way, I'm crossing my fingers and rooting for him.

Check out all the webisodes HERE.

Stun Gun Update

I am not quite sure how to say this but... I am a moron. I placed a finger and each prong and lit that bad boy up, while at the tattoo shop, prior to gifting this to Mrs. Griffith.

Holy fuck.

God help anyone planning on mugging my mother whilst she walks the dogs. Not only did the 1 second burst feel like a lifetime, but it was as though an invisable ninja kicked me in the chest. It was not so painful as it was... well, shocking. I laughed and cried at the same time and was out of breath. I proceeded to roll around on the sidewalk outside of the shop thinking how much I didn't expect it to feel quite like that and simultaneously considering how the spectecle looked to onlookers.

Now here is the kicker to the whole situation: Shortly after said incident, I felt surprisingly loose and awake. Better than coffee, much like a good nights rest and a light tissue massage on my arms and chest. Had I been a mugger IRL (in real life, get with the lingo) this sudden onset of good feelings could possibly lead to a life changing moment.

Let me elaborate. I, a mugger, see an older lady on a leisurely stroll. I decide to rob this women as I am a typical lowlife. What transpires is a stun gun to the body and this lady kicking me while I lay there shamelessly unable to defend myself after the shock of my life. She leaves, and as I recover I flee to avoid the police, assuming she called them. After a light jog away from the scene the attempted mugging, I feel refreshed and loose, better than I did pre-mugging attempt. Did God want me to fail? Was he sending me a message that this was good for me? Have I lost my edge as a lowlife? A change is in order!


This young man goes on to do great things in life and turns away from his life of crime. All because of what some call the stun gun, while I call it the 200,000 volt Handheld Life Changer!

-CC:BJ

An MP3 Player for your Old Racist Uncle

I heard it comes preloaded with all of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour albums.

Link.

Weekiversary

Well fans, it's been an entire week since the shenanigans started. I thought it would be nice to give you guys a little insight at what goes on behind the scenes here at CC: BJ For A More American Inbox. Here's some highlights. I doubt you'll make sense of it, but we'll laugh at your attempts.

this is the best thing i've ever read. and to think, they FIRED us all. who's laughing now bitches. hahahahahahahah

"this is not the scott belue who is the service director for jim hudson"

Do it for your country. Not for me or Shadd.

Also, Bj we should start a business together and call it Lutestes Resources.

P.S. I remember that night BJ stole my virginity.

I remember the time BJ and Redwine got drunk and made out for $5 and a half empty box of mystery flavored Airheads.

I would just say he borrowed your virginity. He was incredibly gentle.

You can't borrow someone's virginity. Once it's tampered with, the warranty is null and void.

How does BBQ sound for lunch tomorrow? I have been wanting to make it in my waterbath for a while now.

His name is pretty awesome. I bet his friends tell him to "Belue him"
when they are drunk.

(sorry BJ)/Odouls are served.

Dear BJ,
Wrap it before you tap it. Shadd has enough itchy souvenirs.

i think i'm going to start CC:ing BJ on every email i send out.

I would like to officially welcome Baumer to the CC:BJ for America Campaign. So far we've CC'd BJ over 50 times and we are glad that you guys are here to help add to that. We won't be catching you up on previous CC's but we look forward to a future where BJ is CC'd by all.

holy s**t what the f**k is going on?!?!?!

Ben: My music taste reaches far beyond James Taylor and New Found Glory. I like Hardcore too. :)
Shadd: When did i steal your V-card? I must have been wasted, lifted, or BOTH.
Aaron: BBQ in the water bath? really?
Baumer: whats up dudes?

BBQ in the water bath is the jam. It will make old rednecks cry, but
it is delicious.

This is pretty cool... like having the batphone with my friends. Lets build a fort.

We have some pretty crucial plans to join a softball team this summer.

I didn't hear about Chraniel.

I do remember him showing me his dong and it was the first one i had ever seen in person still in its sleeping bag.

Ben thats obviously a picture... it ends with .jpg.

Where is a black man going to get so much money? Family Reunion t-shirts?

Hillary's campaign is actually 10 million dollars in debt. She's raised most of her money by putting Bill out to stud.

would Cc:BJ for a Muslim Free America be too controversial?

boner is always an option.

So, did you figure out why he's hot for your cod?

we can even make up future blogs that haven't happened yet.

did anyone notice BJ is off the CC:??? WTF???

Sent from the inside of my Ferrari

sent from the inside of my implants

Sent from inside of Chad Redwine

how is it possible that the only 4 people still in america with dial up all looked at our blog.

I think im going to get a video camera and start a prank war on someone.

Is my nose that big in real life?

I am pretty jealous I dont have eagles in my set up.

NO. Do not ever click the ads.

Maybe you're going through second puberty.

That's just a little bit of what happens here at CC: BJ. It's a joy to be above you. Keep reading.

B

Late Night To Do What?

NBC has announced that Conan O'Brien will be replaced by none other than the most unfunny person on the planet. Well the second most unfunny according to one poll. That's right, Jimmy Fallon will try to keep a straight face while doing late night monologues starting in 2009. After a failed movie career and even more failing album sales Jimmy Fallon is will replace O'Brien when he moves to The Tonight show. So get ready for acoustic intros. Maybe his backing band will be the Dropkick Murphy's (just to keep the Boston theme). I'm not so sure that Carson Daly was even considered but at least he would be a better option that listening to really bad jokes about Boston and stealing Adam Sandler's entire act. I guess it's not up to the viewers but if we had it my way we'd bring Craig Kilborn back to save the 12:30 slot from total mediocraty. Or maybe give Joel McHale from the soup a shot. Anything would be better than Fallon sucking the air out of the room every night.

I'm going to lose so much weight playing Rock Band!

Room For Rent

So this is a funny one. Ever had a roommate that just annoyed you and so you wanted to get back at them with physical pain. It's much better than just leaving your dishes in the sink. This guy came up with a good one and something tells me these two won't be renewing their lease anytime soon. Listen at the end when the guy drops some homophobic verbal stylings as well.

God Bless The South

So I'm a little embarrassed to speak on this topic but being of Southern culture I figured it should be mentioned. So I caught the last half hour of the Real World premiere last night. I had heard that there was a girl from Columbia on there so I figured I would check it out. Of course at this point the Real World is totally phoning it in. They put them in Hollywood so that they don't even have to travel to shoot it. They set them up in some Viacom back-lot and called it a house. Compared to Hawaii's house this place looks like a joke. The cast is just some vagrants they picked up off the street and you can tell that the overall quality just isn't what it once was (and yes I get the ridiculousness of that statement). Nevertheless Kimberly is a shining testament to the progressive state that is South Carolina. There was a huge blow-up between her and one of the girls in the house in which she told her "Don't go gettin all Ghetto". This sparked a fury in Brianna so much so that she tried to climb a chain linked fence to rip Kim's head off. This was just the beginning. I think my favorite part is when Kimberly tried to explain how tolerant she was of all ethnic backgrounds. My favorite quote being "I don't care if you're from the most inner city of blackville." I only wish I were paraphrasing. I know this sounds like I'm in college again (they're the only ones that still watch MTV), but if gawker can keep blogging about the gossip girls and the hills then I think 4 dudes blogging about the Real World is OK by me. If anyone knows any juicy gossip from Kim's days in C-town, by all means send it our way.

8-Bit Street Art

I love stuff like this.

Pool Parties Are Back

One of the greatest things about living in Brooklyn in the summer are the McCarren Park Pool Parties. That's right, this year is lining up to be front to back totally tubular bands. In fact, I've just recieved word that WILCO will be playing on August 13. Pre-sale tickets go on sale tomorrow at noon. Last years lineup was the tits, as they say, and this year proves to be no less exciting. Bands already billed are The Black Keys, Ween, Death Cab, Gogel Bordello, and M.I.A. Check out my friend Treb as the best man in this Gogel Bordello video.

Surf's Up Dudes

Apparently social networking sites are slowly headed for an all time low. With Friendster we started out with an elitist attitude that only those we deemed worthy could be invited into our club. With Myspace we realized, "hey, creepy people are people too, we should allow them to see our pages." With Facebook we have a utopia of social connectivity. Well, the hay day is over. Welcome to the decline.

Introducing Couchsurfing. Here you can log in, create a profile, and be ready to surf the globe in a matter of minutes. For 20 bucks a month and one seriously brave soul you can stay on any couch in the world. Supposedly murders and rapists can't apply but the background check looks about as useful as TSA security more than anything else. So if you're homeless but have access to wifi at a Starbucks, you're as good as gold tonight. Even the irrefutable New York Times has written an article about it. Don't worry if you have bed bugs, that's part of their motto "Peace, Love, and Bed Bugs."

Beware of my Mom

This is my first post on the blog. Thanks goes out to our current loyal readership and future blog stalkers who will someday fall in love with our wit.

I just wanted to tell everyone my mother has gotten serious about her self defense. She walks the dogs (my dogs) in the wee hours of the morning before the sun comes up. I am always worried about her and recently, with the dogs aging and becoming less and less menacing in appearance she has become a little more worried herself.

Never fear mom... for this very morning I purchased something every mother in America should have:




Thats right. Beware motherfuckers.


-CCBJ

Big Brother, Where Art Thou

Our blog has been live now for 2 days. Thanks to google analytics (that's right, we're watching you) we now know that we have had 19 visitors. Of those, 4 were on dial-up connections. This made me wonder. What a coincidence that the last 4 people in the world with dial-up would all check out our blog.

Follow this for wiki's definition of analytics.

Apatow to Ruin Rock N Roll

Well Variety is reporting that Judd Apatow has signed on to produce "Get Him to the Greek" starring Jonah Hill and Russell Brand (the Brit from Forgetting Sarah Marshall). They are calling it a "really dirty almost famous". It is being directed by Nicholas Stoller. Stoller and Apatow co-wrote the box office smash "Fun With Dick and Jane" which in my humble opinion is some of Tea Leoni's best work. This is sure to be an accurate depiction of what it is like to be a Rockstar. Marky Mark tried to do this a few years back with a more serious version which flopped heavily. If you get home at 3 am on a Saturday night you can catch it on VH1. Hopefully by implementing Apatow's proven formula (i.e. Kicking and Screaming, Drillbit Taylor, and The Cable Guy) and Hill's sweat glands we will be given a laugh riot ride the likes of which we haven't seen since Spinal Tap. I don't know about you, but I smell a lawsuit coming from one Mr. Christopher Guest.


Click here for full story.

We All Have Jobs

I thought in light of the way that this blog started, we could all dip into our vast employment history and laugh about our first jobs. So, here's mine:

When I was 15, I had to get a job to save up money for car insurance. My first job was for an insurance agency. I don't know what it was called. Actually, I'm not sure I ever knew what it was called. My job was to put fliers on people windshields. I got paid $6 an hour to get dropped off in a busy parking lot with a stack of fliers!

OK, so picture in your head me at age 15. Since none of you knew me then, here's a quick rundown:

• 5' 9"
• 115 lbs.
• Size 36 jeans (cut off at the bottom)
• keep in mind I probably had a 28" waist
• I probably had on a pair of ratty vans that you couldn't even see because my pants covered them
• Canvas Boy Scout Belt
• A Size L or XL
  
• Hook Ups T-shirt (remember those with the Asian girls?)
• Girl Skateboards T-shirt
• NOFX T-shirt
• Or really freakin' old plaid shirt
• Some sort of bright colored beanie (regardless of temperature)
• And finally, dirty little moustache

My daily routine consisted of getting dropped off in a parking lot, putting fliers on 4 or 5 cars, then getting run off, cussed out, and belittled. I'm pretty sure people thought I was breaking in to their cars.

That job only lasted about 2 weeks.

A Personal Nightmare

Not many people know that I have a completely irrational fear of being trapped in an elevator. Almost every time I get on one, I immediately begin to think about what I would do if the elevator were to malfunction.

The New Yorker has a captivating story & video of a man who was trapped in an elevator alone for 41 hours. You can watch a time lapse video of the man here, and be sure to read the story as well.

Essentially, this random event has completely changed the course of this guy's life. It makes me feel that maybe I'm not so crazy after all.

A Smack In The Mouth

There's really no better way to start your morning off than with a smack in the teeth.  BJ, you of all people will appreciate this one.  

Apparently the other night Jay Reatard (formerly of the Reatards) played at some club called the silver dollar and the promoter oversold the show.  You would think a sold out show would be sort of the point of playing live but for this guy it was a little too overwhelming.  Enjoy one of the best freakouts I've seen in quite some time.   

I'd have to say the sound is the thing I like the most about this clip. Something about it makes me think that guys face just cracked in half. In all honesty though, I think that guy borrowed that shirt and Jay just wanted him to give it back.

Dear BJ (Upon Request)

BJ,

I'd like to take a moment to address your questions and respond to your observations.

You are 100% correct in believing that the "family reunion t-shirts" thing was and is hilarious! If I've learned anything from my many years in the screen printing industry, it's that people of pigment love family reunions and they will go through great lengths to get a purple t-shirt with a tree and some names on it! Maybe you can answer to me how 1 man can attend 5 or 6 family reunions in a single year.

I'd like to think that the picture we chose for the campaign couldn't be better. It's professional, but intimate. I hope that when people see it they think "I'd vote for that guy, but wait, do I know him?"

Inside "I F**kin' Love It Guy" actually happened.

This whole thing is going far! It's only a matter of weeks before we buy a domain name and Google pays to advertise on our blog!

The blog as of now is controlled mostly by Aaron, but Shadd and I have VIP access. You and Caleb are invited to join our "Force to be Reckoned With"!

Caleb is in college and doesn't have enough time for us now, but he'll be there soon enough!

Link #2

There are so many jokes here it's hard to pick just one, so I'll go with the worst one I can think of.

"Don't be so rough on the space bar."

Today's Link

The inaugural link of the day is in honor of Earth Day.

CC:BJ And Make America's Internet Safer

We at CC:BJ For A More American Inbox would like to welcome you to our blog. We will get to more formal introductions later as the contributors see fit but for now we'll just let you know who we are and what we do.

This all began a week ago when Ben sent one of those cute links to a funny story that he had found in the vast wasteland that is the Internet. In doing so, he didn't want to be hassled by emailing each person individually so instead, he utilized the CC: function that comes standard with most email hosts. This one email was spread to the 3 others of us in one shot. Once I read the email I had a witty retort that I wanted everyone to be able to receive. So instead of copying and pasting individual emails I decided to hit Reply All. It hit everyone like a ton of bricks. The Reply All button was used soley as a means of reply and from there the crux of this blog was born.

Over the course of a few hours we each Replied All about 100 times. The only downside was that BJ had not yet checked his email. Once this fact was realized we began to CC:BJ on just about anything we could think of just trying to fill up his inbox. In doing this we came up with a brilliant idea. Maybe just by Carbon Copying BJ we could raise awareness for things and make America's Internet a better, safer, place. Every time you read this blog you are now helping raise awareness for things.

So on behalf of Ben, Aaron, BJ, Shadd, and hopefully Caleb, we welcome you.